i'm back and single to boot, my faithful readers.

i should've known. the way he's been avoiding me. his lack of conversation.

and everything unfolded between two portables.

i'm feeling lost, hurt, confused. a little bit angry, mostly sad, a little bit just "all right".

this is the first time someone's broken up with me, what an experience, right?

he told me that he needed a break. that's fine. he told me he wanted to talk more monday. ok, that's cool. he told me he doesn't want to see me hurt. a little hypocritical, but all right.

he told me he still genuinely loves me.

hm.

i want to believe he'll get back together with me, once he finds himself. i really do.

but i don't want to set myself up for some great fall.

i guess i'll just need to accept that he's not coming back to me.

but that makes me feel...

hollow inside.

in fact, i want to cry when i have to accept that.

i want him to come back to me. i need a hug.

our break up's been less than an hour and i miss him already.

but you need to let things go, christa. give him time.

if you love him, set him free.

right?

(this entry sounds a lot less depressed than i really am, just for the record. i think i'm gonna take a hot bath and just.. let it all out. a good sob session. and then go from there.)

sb, you're not helping. - sigh. -

so, i guess i'm going to have a long, long cosa in spanish tomorrow. - laughs. -

ryan, i half-wish you'd still read this, and half-don't. if you do, i just want you to know i'm not mad. and although i want to get back together with you, i hope you find happiness, and yourself along the way.

in other news, i'm still going to go to my convention. i know that i shouldn't coup myself up in the house and be depressed, it's the worse thing i can do. tonight is going to be my only night of that.

i'm still going to have fun. hey, in that revealing costume, maybe i'll find a few cute boys to flirt with? - grins. -

but, i know that it won't make up for anything. but artificial happiness is better than none.

now i think i'm gonna scrounge up some money, walk to walgreens, buy some comforting bubbles and body wash, come home, and die.

sounds good.

tomorrow, someone's gonna be a wreck...